The Law Of “Normal” by Yemi Olusoga

So the other day, I was having drinks with my friend (let’s call her Funmi), we were at our favourite spot “catching up”.  Now for us catching up is an exercise, which usually involves an endless selection of random topics, each one totally unrelated to the next. This continues until one of us gets a phone call or BB message that makes her blush and then the “date” comes to an abrupt end. Anyways, the conversation drifted (as it always does) and we somehow went from talking about Lagos traffic to talking about our mutual friend, Bukky (not her real name). Now Bukky is getting married in a couple of weeks and Funmi and I had the following conversation:

Funmi: I don’t understand that girl. She was telling me she’s wearing a red dress. Who wears a red dress to her own wedding! Na wa o.

Me: But it’s her wedding. She can wear whatever she wants.

Funmi: You’re not serious! Her mother has told her she will not attend the wedding if she tries it. Everyone knows you should wear white or at least ivory on your wedding day.

Me: Why?

Funmi: Because it is normal to wear white!

Me: Why?

Funmi: How will I know? It’s just normal.

Two hours of normal Lagos traffic later, I drove into my estate and I started to think of the concept “normal”. I couldn’t get it out of my head so I put a personal message on my BB and it read

“Who determines normal”?

I got a lot of responses, mostly sarcastic ones (I need new friends). Some said the government, some talked about religion, but one response struck me.  It was from my friend Jide (Totally his real name)!  Now Jide is a lawyer and he always has an answer for everything. His response was “the reasonable man test”. I had never heard of this concept so I decided to consult Google.

The reasonable man concept goes thus: The reasonable person is a phrase used in criminal law to denote a hypothetical person in society who exercises average skill, and judgment in conduct and who serves as a comparative standard for determining liability. – The free online dictionary.

I’ve come to discover that the Nigerian society pretty much functions on this concept. Almost everyone is “the reasonable person”.  We abide by a law called “Normal”.

You go to the university immediately after secondary school because it is normal, then you do a year of national service because it is normal, next you look for a good job because it is normal and then for a “good” man or woman because it is even more normal to do so and then the kids start coming and so on.

Now there is nothing wrong with this picture if it is truly what you want, but sometimes I can’t help but feel that our society basically has a script prewritten for us on how to live what is considered a normal life. A breach in this protocol becomes a source of concern to family and even strangers. This is evident by statements such as;

“You have been working for three years now; it is time to settle down”

“Your child is 3 years old now; it is time to have another one”

I wonder how many people actually go after all the things they dreamt of growing up, and in the sequence they dreamt of them. A lot of us give up on some ambitions and passions because it did not make the cut on society’s normal rating scale or because it was never the “right time” and those that have dared defile this sequence at one point or the other, have had to endure the endless questions, and sometimes criticisms that follow.

The truth is when I think of all the people  who have somehow changed the world, people like Isaac Newton, Bill Gates, Nelson Mandela, Henry Ford, Mother Theresa, The Wright Brothers and the likes, the last word that comes to mind is normal! Most of these people did things that defied the norm at some point in their lives, this is what made them outstanding.

So before you make that decision today because it is normal, ask yourself this: who determines “normal”?        

             “Why fit in when you were born to stand out” ~ Dr Seuss

Yemi Olusoga is a banker by day and a dreamer by night with the crazy notion that one day her writing will change the world! She’s addicted to cartoons and can read just about anything in legible print.